Tag Archives: forgiveness

Internet Food for Thought

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Ah, healing is heaven!

Thanks to those who took the time to send me kind and thoughtful emails regarding my forgiveness blog, sharing how it helped you.

It takes courage and inner strength to look honestly at our strengths and weaknesses, and reflect and seek ways to evolve.

What a blessing in every opportunity to change.

While I’ve been healing and having a “forced vacation,” I had to keep up with my school work.

Wanted to share these postings with you about some of my thoughts about what’s on the Internet. What does this have to do with relationships? These sites help people connect on business and recreational levels…

On Google:
Google is one of my preferred Internet sites and companies because they are the pioneer innovators and continue to evolve and expand their services and revenue. They are successful because their features attract consumers as much as they attract advertisers, so this is a 3 time win (consumers, advertisers, Google).

Google has taken the time to look at problems and missing features in existing products and has provided services including:

- Webmail – Through gmail accounts, more space is provided, with features including being able to automatically send copies of emails to a non-gmail address; auto save is a must have!

- Blogs – Anyone and everyone can be a columnist, reviewer, etc. via this free service that allows people the free option to help promote it via Google’s own and powerful web spiders.

- Grand Central – Free service that lets people pick a new phone number from virtually anywhere in the US. Integrate all existing phones and voicemail boxes into one number that never changes.

- Google Docs – Free web-based word processor and spreadsheet (like Microsoft Word and Excel), which allow you to share and collaborate online, and safely store your work with Google.

- AdWords and AdSense – Allows advertisers to choose searched keywords to advertise their business, and consumers to earn revenue by allowing advertiser links on their sites, blogs, etc.

The features are endless, as Google rules the internet universe!

On MySpace:
It is interesting when I get some friend requests from people that are about 60+. Very cool!

What’s also interesting and a little sad is how people get so into their cyber friendships, that they get I feel a little too focused on how many friends they can get (and most times these are people they may never meet), how many friend requests, comments and emails they receive, and how they show their reaction to you by changing your “Top Friends” placement.

I recall reading an article I believe in the New York Times about how people have gotten into arguments and couples have broken up because of the placement of these “Top Friends.”

When someone drops you as one of their “Top Friends,” that’s a good indication of where you rank in their “world.” If you get deleted as a Friend, that person is really telling you something. Ouch.

On signing up for user accounts:
I feel one of the most challenging things to keep up with is passwords! (Usernames can also be a challenge if you have similar or commonly chosen usernames.)

Some people have told me that they use the same password for everything, but I don’t think that’s the wisest thing to do.

And as websites are starting to require more challenging passwords with uses of numbers and many times encouraging the use of symbols, it makes using the same password not so easy anymore.

Great that we are being required to be cognizant of security and encouraged to be creative with passwords.

May your surfing in cyberworld bring you the fulfilling connections you need!

Visit www.TraciToguchi.com for previous blogs from Traci.

Forgiveness Brainstorm

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Since last week Friday, I’ve been quite sick. Symptoms of the flu seemed to quickly appear (fever, body aches, congestion). I waited perhaps too long to seek professional treatment, as I thought this too was something I could heal myself as I usually do in 2-3 days.

Thanks to my raw and tender throat, I have found bliss and a delightful peace that has allowed me to listen rather than just hear. As I have been healing / detoxing / cleansing / you name it, between the coughing, hacking and nose blowing, I’ve been praying, meditating, writing a lot and reading.

One of the books I began to re-read is one of my favorites, “Forgiveness: The Greatest Healer of All” by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.

Since my attempts at the typical and recommended home remedies hasn’t been working (i.e. lots of liquids/water, lots of sleep, chicken soup), I began to go deeper by peeling off more self-reflection layers than I usually do.

I knew that my illness was due to a relationship matter that I hadn’t resolved, but I figured my awareness equaled my forgiveness. Turns out I was wrong!

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I immediately had a reaction (specifically, coughing attacks!) to reading Dr. Jampolsky’s words this time around:

Forgiveness:

- Releases us by stopping our inner battles with ourselves; stops us from recycling anger and blame.

- Is a powerful healer of our inner and outer lives.

- Can end inner conflicts we tend to carry every day.

He asks readers to imagine the peace that would result on our planet if everyone released old grievances with others… if centuries of racial and religious battles were also released.

Dr. Jampolsky was a physician for more than forty years, and said he recalls how people who had illnesses like back problems, ulcers, high blood pressure, and cancer, found their illnesses decrease as they learned to forgive. He talked about recent research emerging, showing a relationship between health and forgiveness. Dr. Jampolsky said we now know that a lack of forgiveness has a measurable impact on our bodies. This lack of forgiveness includes clinging to fear, anger and pain, which create tensions that affect blood circulation, the efficiency of our immune systems, and puts stress on our hearts, brains and practically all of our body’s organs.

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I personally thought I forgave people that hurt me, including myself. But after reading this, and more of the book, I realized there was still a lot of forgiving I needed to do, and fast, because coughing every night and not getting more than 20 minutes of consecutive sleep for about a week was something I needed to stop now.

The question of how to forgive someone, to me, is like the question of how can one love him or herself. Just how do you do it?

Here’s what I learned:

- Forgive by making the decision to no longer suffer.

- Forgive completely. There is no middle ground.

- Forgive by giving all your anger, anguish and everything that is a burden on you to God.

- Forgive yourself by forgiving others.

One way I found that indicates to me that I haven’t forgiven someone and/or something that happened is when I can still talk about it with the same intensity and passion that I did when it first happened.

Several days ago, I found myself laying on my stomach in the living room writing down a list of people that I still hadn’t forgiven (I thought I did; Lord knows I certainly tried!). One column listed what I needed to forgive myself for, and the other listed people I needed to forgive. It read something like this, “(Name), I forgive you for ________.”

In the midst of what I call the “forgiveness brainstorm,” I found myself with tears of sadness and joy. A feeling of lightness followed soon after.

I can’t say that I had instantaneously just forgave those people on that list, but I can say that my willingness to forgive them and desire to do what Dr. Jampolsky recommends has definitely been working for my healing (along with my naturopathic doctor’s acupuncture treatment and homeopathic and herbal remedies!):

“Make peace of mind your only goal.”

It’s amazing how this has been working wonders in every part of my life.

Here are some other forgiveness quotes from Dr. Jampolsky that helped me:

“Forgiveness means letting go of all hopes for a better past.”

“It becomes easier to forgive when we choose to no longer believe we are victims.”

Visit www.TraciToguchi.com for previous blogs from Traci.

Thought: When People "Lash" Out At You

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Yesterday, someone was very short with me, and it caught me off guard because I was in what I thought a pretty happy mood at first. As I felt like I was being backed up into a corner, I tried to stay calm and react calmly, but felt my stomach shaking and a knot in my throat. I wanted to yell.

In my “Feel the Breeze” CD liner notes, I talk about anger needing to be manifested.

Anger (equivalent of fear) is many times held within because it is many times directed at people who we don’t feel we can communicate with (including those in authority, people you may know well – you know how they will most likely react and would rather not deal with it).

If we don’t express our anger in a healthy manner (with self reflection, writing, communicating with self or others, punching pillows, etc.), it will manifest in our lives somehow.

Louise Hay talks about it being manifested in accidents, saying we get so angry we want to hit people, and as a result we get hit.

When I see dings on my car, I think of small outbursts of my anger. Car accidents are revealing in anger that was bottled up and needing to manifest.

Another way anger manifests is when people “unexpectedly” lash our or take out their anger/frustration on you. This could be a random person on the street, in a grocery store line, someone at work, and of course a loved one. We wonder what we did to that person to receive that, and usually chuck it up to some kind of conclusion/justification so we can move on with our lives.

Can we truly express ALL of our anger in a healthy manner without hurting one (including ourselves) within a certain amount of time so we don’t have these unintended “manifestations” occurring? What if we’ve got things to do, places to go, other people to see? And doesn’t it usually come at the most inopportune times?

What if the anger comes from residual or packets or whole loads of stored anger/frustration that we’ve held in since we were kids? Should we expect that we can get all that stuff out? And if so, how?

I definitely believe we should manifest ALL of it. Just imagining the feeling of freedom and the lifting of weights that have been holding us down is wonderful.

We can seek professional help. Like Louise Hay, she was able to express her anger with the help of a therapist. Along with that, she did her own research and spiritual treatments to eventually heal herself of cancer.

We can start by taking small but constant steps. Whether it’s writing in a journal every night before going to bed or frequently talking things out with a good friend, your partner, family member, or even a group of people you can trust (all of you can discuss your own feelings and help each other by being understanding and positively encouraging).

You can decide what works best for your life wherever and however you feel comfortable.

You can start TODAY. Make a list of anything that comes to your mind that really bothers you, that occasionally irritates you, etc. Then go one by one and figure out why that made you so upset.

Did it collide with your core values? More than likely it did.

Consider that person is someone you love dearly. Could be your own baby, a family member, a friend, anyone that brings you a feeling of warmth and kindness, who makes you feel important and loved. Many times, I try to catch myself getting tiffed on the road at someone. Because Hawaii’s such a small place, I find myself doing a double take to make sure I didn’t just get tiffed at my own aunt! We really are all essentially connected – we are human beings with a heart. If we can remind ourselves that everyone we encounter is a living and breathing being just like you, we are already on a higher path.

Or you can imagine that person as a little baby or child. See the innocence of the deeds that they did to hurt you as being something they didn’t intend.

Or you can try to understand that the person is ultimately calling out for love. How in the world and why in the world would they do it that way? Many times, we cannot even start to imagine what kind of home and personal life someone else has. Sure, we can say they lived in an economically challenged area but say they can change their lives. But what if they witnessed beatings everyday, got beaten themselves, and was always told they could never amount to anything? How easy would it be for them to change their lives?

We can say these people are so wealthy and had it all. But that doesn’t mean that their emotional needs may have been met. Perhaps their parents were so busy making all that money that they didn’t have the time (or make the time) to tend to their children’s needs.

Compassion for everyone. Understanding for everyone.

When people lash out at you, remember that they are human beings dealing with their own hurts. They are calling out for love in the way they know how. This doesn’t mean that you have to go out of your way to literally show people you love them. They may not be emotionally ready to deal with their feelings. Just taking the time to feel and think genuine quiet loving thoughts and words that warm your own heart will be felt by them and manifested in your life.

If we can truly go within and break down each of our “hurts” by peeling off the layers, we will find that at the core is the need to have compassion for people that “wronged” you. This is when can we deal with our own hurts, receive love, forgive them, and ultimately forgive ourselves.

Please visit www.TraciToguchi.com for previous blogs.